Doorsteps
I don’t know why I feel like I do, when I knew you were no good for me. Maybe I was no good for you but the memories are there, some that make me laugh out loud unexpectedly, making me feel crazy.
Thinking about movies we'd watch over and over just to die laughing at each other’s stupid impersonations. Laying out on pillows on the floor eating left overs, listening to each other talk for hours about everything. Kisses on my face, me holding you, forgetting when we drifted off. I felt like I must have known you before, I mean I had to- you don’t just feel this way.
I was scared of being with you, second guessing myself but loving you all the same. Loving you and your son wasn’t enough to get pass the emotional torture we created. This new place was empty, unhappy. Always coming back for more, afraid of letting go. Drying your tears, choking back mine.
Let’s let it go. I had to leave, so you let me go but you’re back-in front of me, on my doorstep wanting me again and me still unsure but wanting you and wanting to believe the newness in your eyes. We want to love again, he wants that feeling back again, we want to get it back in a new way.
Stupid!
Get it back in a new way? It’s laughably- belligerent. Let’s get it back in a new way to quiet idle minds-so we don’t have to think about each other so Fuckin much! Let’s rewind to the smile in your eyes, fast-forward pass the pain, the YELLING, the low blows, the tears and the misunderstanding.
Skip to the breakfast in bed, late night-early morning love-making, the love notes, flowers on my bad days and long hugs in passing, just because. Let’s rewrite this ending, let’s rewrite this shit again because I’m here!
He’s here now, standing on my doorstep, in front of me, this time, leaving me.
